I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
