Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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