mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
