i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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