I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
