i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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