DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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