He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
