My first STD was from a foam party
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
