explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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