i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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