he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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