i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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