toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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