god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
