i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
