I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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