yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
