i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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