remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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