I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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