Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
