I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The air was thick with penises
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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