I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
