i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
