im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
