I hate all girls vehemently.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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