I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
