Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
