Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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