well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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