Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
