maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
is wine microwaveable?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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