Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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