Umm I'm too high to move.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
