so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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