i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
