Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
