There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
