it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
