dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
