ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
