oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
And then my night got REAL pukey
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
