I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
