chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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