when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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