We need to rekindle our bromance
this will be a night to untag.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
