You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
