we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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