Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
