I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
one might say we're banned from that church
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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