I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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