saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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