Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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